True Blood: I’m Alive and On Fire

26 Jul

Eric and Sookie grow closer

If I can say nothing else about this week’s True Blood episode, I can tell you this is a cautionary tale for all vampires who cannot control their intake of faerie blood.  No vampire wants to go off the rails like Eric, ending up in a crocodile infested lake, having to be rescued by a werewolf and a half-faerie that you are in love with.  Poor Eric.  Actually, lucky Eric.  Because all this vulnerable behavior is making Sookie fall for him.  I, for one, am excited.  I’ve been waiting for the Sookie/Eric pairing since we first met him.  He is the ultimate bad boy, but even as the most maladjusted women know, when the bad boys are as bad as Eric, there is just no point getting involved.  Only fang-banger girls bother with him as they realize they are only a distraction and a snack.  Sookie has her standards; however, we are going to watch those standards lower dramatically due the spell Marine indirectly cast on Eric.  There is nothing more appealing than seeing a bad boy vulnerable.  If you don’t believe me, watch Rebel Without A Cause then we can talk.  The most satisfying moments come toward the end of the episode, when two key events happen that alert us where Sookie’s feeling and alliances stand; the almost kiss between Eric and Sookie that gets interrupted by none other than Bill, and Sookie lying to Bill about Eric’s whereabouts and refusing to let him search the house.  I am hoping this relationship will be a million times hotter than the one with Sookie and Bill.  We all know it certainly won’t ever be a healthy one!

Speaking of unhealthy relationships, Jason is having quite a time in HotShot.  He’s tied to a bed, essentially being mounted by every female in the place to get pregnant, he’s used and humiliated.  I don’t know why I’m enjoying watching this so much.  I guess it’s payback for an entire lifetime of seeing women tied up and raped in films and TV.  Finally!!!  I especially enjoy how used he feels.  And the use of the Mexican viagra explains why he can still perform even if he isn’t personally, um, excited, by the situation.  Two perverse and poignant events happen in this scene.  The first is when one of the women is ‘raping’ Jason and after he — makes his deposit — he orders her to get off of him and she begins crying.  This scene contains my favorite line in the episode by Jason:  “I don’t know why you’re cryin’.  I’m the one gettin’ raped.”  I felt sorry for the woman, nobody wants to be mounted by her ‘brother-husband’ and get bitten on the back of her neck while being held down even if they are werepanthers.  I thought Jason could have been a slightly bigger man at that moment and said, “Oh climb on and have another go.”  But nope.  He didn’t.  Then he had to deal with an even bigger problem.  The young girl in HotShot who looks about 13 who was supposed to lose her virginity with him.  Jason manages to stop the situation, telling her that her first time should be with a boy that brings her candy and flowers.  Uh, Jason, you need to wake up.  I’d love to believe there are teenage boys out there like that (ok, I know there are, I’m just highly jaded at this point),  but I’m fairly certain she’s not going to find that in HotShot.  Nothing like feeding a young girl a pack of lies about how her first time should be.  Raising her expectations like that.  I doubt any werepanther girl has a shot at candy and flowers at any point.

Later, after Jason makes his escape, and manages to kill Felton with a makeshift weapon he’s crafted, Crystal appears.  He threatens to kill her as well.  Jason fails to see that he’s technically now second-in-command of the incest-ridden clan in HotShot.  He does seem to do a better job taking care of them than anything else so far on the show.  While Jason melts down with his burgeoning new identity, Crystal embraces the power and title (“I’m Big Mama Kitty now”).  Suddenly Crystal’s sexual choice for both love and breeding has allowed her to ascend into the equivalent of perverted inbred royalty in the backwoods of Louisana.  Congratulations, Crystal.  All sarcasm aside, I’m looking forward to watching Crystal’s character evolve now that she’s attained a new status.  A lack of education with a powerful role can sometimes be dangerous, depending on the individual’s psychological makeup.  I’m not sure how a werepather’s motivations will fit in.

Bill has a little incest drama of his own.  It turns out that Portia, the lawyer he’s been sleeping with, is actually his great-great-great-great granddaughter.  Oops.

Arlene and Terry have their hands full with the devil baby.  It’s newest addition to creepy behavior:  drawing the phrase on the wall in magic marker :  baby not yours.  Now even Terry is freaked out.

Hoyt and Jessica find Jason on the side of the road, presumably dying.  Jessica makes him drink some of her blood to heal.  Hmmm.  We all know what happens once you ingest a vampire’s blood like that.  Looks like Jessica might be getting some wannabe werepanther action sometime in the near future.

Sam goes to the shapeshifter slut’s house and meets her little girl.  They all play Barbies then later shapeshifter slut reveals her daughter’s father is a werewolf and he’s still got a thing for her (the slut, not the daughter – there’s already too much incest in this particular episode!).  I bet Sam will be getting beaten up very soon.  In the meantime, Sam’s brother stupidly goes back to the mom’s trailer and ends up getting kidnapped by his own parents.  Dear HBO creative execs:  Please tell Alan Ball to do something with this storyline.  Please?

Lafayette, Jesus and Tara go to Marnie with Pam’s demand:  to lift the curse/spell off Eric.  Once they finally figure out what spell they must use, Pam joins them.  Instead of her supervising or being able to bring Eric good news, Marnie/her witch spirit ends up putting a curse on Pam and part of Pam’s face rots off.  I kind of felt bad for her.  I like Pam.  She is loads more interesting than the witch crew.  Maybe they will end up burning up in a fire?  I know.  I know.  We are stuck with them until the end of the season.  I’m sure the rest of the show will heat up.

Watch my Vlog Review on YouTube.

Click here for HBO promo “Inside the Episode”


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